#lifewithbekandabs

My dearest Abs doesn’t like goodbyes, and I firmly believe that this is not goodbye, and that’s why I feel like it’s okay to write this.

It’s hard to describe just how life-changing the last 5 months have been having Abigail Walker as a roommate. If you know her you are lucky, and you are probably aware of how special she is. If you don’t know her, let me tell you a few facts.

This girl is fun. She lights up the room with her smile and laughter. You know there’s something different about her as soon as you catch a glimpse of her sweet spirit (and also her dimples.) I always say that I’m pretty sure every guy wants to be Mr. Abigail Walker.

She is a friend until the end. She listens to the recesses of my heart, she reminds me of the good qualities in myself that I forget I even have. Once she loves you, she’s dedicated to it. And if that means readjusting her plans so she can get breakfast with you before work because you have a sad heart; that’s exactly what she will do.

This girl loves Jesus. Whew. Living with her has helped me to look back over my life and detect the hand of God better than ever before. She sees all the intricate ways that God weaves our world and life’s happenings together for his glory and our good. A day rarely goes by that I don’t hear her audibly and sincerely say, “Thank you Jesus.”  

Our home was marked by huge sodies, watching vines on our completely bare kitchen floor, realizing just how single we are by looking at the contents of our fridge and our walmart sacks, loving the stage of life we’re in, and inviting people to love it with us.

 Abs asked me to make her a cd for her road trip to Montana, so I obv titled it with our hashtag: #lifewithbekandabs

The first song I chose was one she put on a Spotify playlist we listened to when we were together and apart, and one that particularly seemed to describe us.

We prayed over our home, that it would be a place where the Holy Spirit was always welcome and always present. We prayed when people walked into our house they would feel the difference. Then we heard this song:

This was the house where everybody'd hang
ask all my friends they'll tell you the same
Was it the house or was it the gang
Or a phenomenon no one can explain

I pray that we carry on the practice of this house into every space we inhabit: that we welcome the spirit of the living God and his healing presence.

People need a home they can come to and feel a part of, and I’m blessed to have shared one with such a special pal, who I believe said it best:

“Each person has a story, just ask them how they like their coffee and rip through the shallow end from there.”

Go get em, Abs. 

"But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother."

The Great Equalizer

“Everything you need is to be found in me,” and also in this article listing the top 10 things you need to do before you get married.

It’s no secret we are inundated with articles about relationships and marriage. Conversations about singleness, marriage and contentment seep into every facet of my life.

I believe God actually meant what he told Hosea (sans the relevant article reference) in Hosea 14:8.

College and young adult Christian circles, divide us into this false dichotomy: those who have someone and those who don’t. The married and the single. I don’t know of any other community in the western world that puts so much emphasis on this particular event other than the families on My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding.

I love marriage. I think it’s great, awesome, beautiful, and am so happy for my friends who have entered into that stage of life. On the other hand, I do not think that I am missing out just yet. I am where I am meant to be. This is what God has planned for me and it gives me joy to remember that. 

While yes, I find myself eating leftovers for weeks, because making dinner for one is nearly impossible without having something like the 12 baskets of fish and bread leftover at the end; and I can’t finish a half gallon of milk before it goes bad; I have other stuff. I don’t have a lifelong companion waiting for me when I get home, but I have friends who want to play monopoly with me 4 nights in a row, who want to talk about the deep recesses of our hearts, while we longboard into the moonlit night, and the ability to take off to see a band I want to hear and spend the day in a different city. 

Married people and single people live different lives in terms of activities, freedoms and interactions, but I don’t think it’s good to view one group as more esteemed than another. 

Scripture praises both the institution of marriage: Proverbs 18:22, (He who finds a wife finds a good thing), and the simplicity of single life and it’s freedom to advance the Gospel without worldly concern (1 Cor. 7:8;32-38). 

We aren’t the haves and the have nots. I have some things married people don’t; and vice versa, but these lives we lead are about so much more than marriage. 

Though many times single people (and they are all I can speak for) feel left out and like they don’t belong in the church or certain circles, there are some major things married and single people have in common. 

I will argue that the most important is that we are both called to make disciples. 

How I long for the emphasis of our lives to be put on this: for people to repost articles encouraging us to love when it hurts and labor for the people the world doesn’t see as important or beautiful.

The world is split into a dichotomy. 

We must see people in only two groups: the lost and the found. 

The Lord offers us Salvation, and only some people have accepted it and given their life over to Christ; the rest have not. 

The haves and the have nots do exist. And I want to see the scale tip over. I want to see people come to know the Lord in large numbers. 

This is the great equalizer: we are all on mission together as followers of Christ. I know my singleness works to my advantage for the sake of the Gospel in my current community. I also know that some married people are working together as a team for the kingdom. I haven’t found anyone with whom I would like to partner up for this cause yet; and I certainly don't have this all figured out, but I cannot bide my time until I find that person.

I must be at work in the fields "for the harvest is plentiful, and the laborers are few." 

If you find yourself wanting a spouse so much that it is depressing, or distracting you from your purpose or ultimately from the Gospel, I encourage you to seek out relationships in which you can minister to people who do not know Jesus Christ. In this you might just lose sight of yourself while putting your focus on the Savior. If you do not know who you can share with, I urge you to pray for God to put people in your life with whom you can share the Gospel. See what happens.

If you don’t know what the Gospel is I hope you ask me to longboard into the night or share some of my ridiculous amount of leftovers with you so I can share with you that everything you need is to be found in Christ. 

We're Not Who We Were

If I had written a graduation speech, this is what I would want to say to you.

Welcome to Spring Commencement 2014. Welcome to the doorstep of your future.

For some of us, this morning was the beacon of hope in the middle of a long night working on assignments that seemed endless, and for others today is a taunting reminder of the uncertainty of our future. 

I want to begin by saying: congratulations. Whatever emotion you are feeling, let’s rest knowing we’ve reached our goal: we really did it.  We’ve watched our older friends walk this same path before us, and we’ve pondered where it would take us once our name was called. Maybe you are excited for the new opportunities that await you outside the walls of this place we now call home, and maybe you’re terrified that you will never be able to love a place quite as much as this one; and it is very likely the two emotions are swirled into one massive sensation stirring in your chest this morning.

  

And what else could we possibly expect to feel when the time that has molded us so much, comes to an end that is both intriguing, yet uncertain for many of us.  Looking back on the late nights spent studying at McDonald’s, and the mission trips, chapel services, and class discussions that just wouldn’t let us go back to being who we were.

Here, at SBU, we experienced education and academics, but we also lived. We let long nights turn into early mornings, sometimes because we might have put off the assignment too long, and other times, because the conversation kept flowing.  Here we let tears turn into laughter and back into tears again; and found the people that would transition with us effortlessly through both. We had our hearts broken, then molded, filling them with people all along the way. We filled them with friends who became family, to walk alongside us through bad grades, and bad days.  We filled them with some of the most intelligent and caring individuals on the planet, that we got to call professors and advisors.

Here we became whole. We grew up. We received a wonderful and well-rounded education, but we also became different people.  Most likely the guy or girl who walked across this forum as a freshman, sits here as a man or woman completely changed after four years at SBU. This experience will undoubtedly usher us into the rest of our lives.

The question we have to ask is: how?   

Jesus Christ, the Savior and author of our Faith said in Luke 9:23, “Anyone who intends to come with me has to let me lead…Follow me and I’ll show you how. Self-help is no help at all. Self-sacrifice is the way, my way, to finding yourself, your true self. What good would it do to get everything you want and lose you, the real you? “

For some of us, this degree, and this experience is everything we want, but what good would it do to get it, and in the process, lose ourselves? We can find ourselves, by way of self-sacrifice.   

As we walk into the next phase of our life we can boldly step forward and say, “What I do today can leave someone better than I found them.”  We have been taught business models, math equations, how to counsel people, how to fix things, and not only is it possible to use all of those things to the glory of God; it is our calling as Christians.

As we look back on the memories and the knowledge we’ve received it is colored by the people who helped us get where we are, academically, emotionally, and spiritually.  We have to assume that without the people that we met, and the professors we learned from, we wouldn’t be here today. How then can we go from this place, into the world and not want to become that person for someone else?

As we enter this new stage of life, we will encounter all sorts of people, and we must remember that each person has value because they were created in the image of God.

So today, I congratulate you for making it here. For achieving something that at times seemed out of sight and out of reach. It has been a pleasure and a great delight to know you. To whom much is given, much is required.  So in light of that I charge you on this graduation day: to love God, to love others, and to find a way to live your life making each person’s world a little better each day.  After all, I cannot picture a better group of people and ones more adequately equipped than those before whom I stand today.

Thank you.